at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
