I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
