NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
