we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
