In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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