doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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