Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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