Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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