his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
