i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
