My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
