Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
