If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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