On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
