I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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