so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ok first of all what the fuck
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
