happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
