why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
