I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
