You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
