Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
