Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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