You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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