we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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