Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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