I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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