I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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