I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.