Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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