There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
