Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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