I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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