I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
