my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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