I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
