4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
