We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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