I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
