i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
