put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is pants optional.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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