like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
