Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
