Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
