pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
