Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
