Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
