the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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