Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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