I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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