nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
