I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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