haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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