This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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