Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
