I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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