So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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