Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
