i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
