Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
