tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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