Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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