Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
