Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
