wakey wakey hands off snakey
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
