I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
