last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
