upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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