just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
