Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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