What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
