So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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