Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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