I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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