Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
